Sleep training – – Just those two words may cause some to recoil. If you shudder at the thought of sleep training, hear me out. These sleep training tips are a game changer, I swear!
Mothering is Exhausting – Sleep Training Helps
So many new mothers are just plain exhausted from the routine of a new baby – – cry, feed, cry, diaper, cry, sleep, cry, and so on. When their baby doesn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time, they think they have THE baby that can’t be sleep trained. Or, because they can’t listen to one more minute of crying, they spend most of the night trying to rock the baby back to sleep.
Sleep Training is for Both Parents
Parenting is a full commitment from both parents. However, time and time again, nighttime responsibilities fall to the mother. This leaves the mom running on less than fumes. When you’re already not sleeping, researching sleep training and/or looking for answers seems nearly impossible. So what happens? The cycle of rocking the baby to sleep, and then rocking the baby after each wake up, continues for months – – if not years.
Sleep is Vital for Everyone
Sleep is vital to the overall health, and let’s face it, sanity, of all of us. When we are short on sleep we become different people. Cranky, irritable, mad, angry, short tempered…basically we are the worst versions of ourselves. And more than likely, we are not the mothers we thought/hoped we’d be. But there is hope. Sleep can still be in your future!
Before I had my son, I assumed babies just started to sleep through the night on their own around 3 months old. That’s what I’d always heard. Well, the truth is that babies can sleep 8 hours uninterrupted at night. The catch, however, is they need to be taught. Enter – – Sleep Training.
The Sleep Training Bible
The best, most comprehensive book I’ve ever read concerning sleep training is called Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I used this book like the Bible, referring back to it as my son aged…newborn to 5 years old. I’ve given the book as gifts to new moms and I’ve referred this book to everyone I know that has ever mentioned sleep problems. With that being said, if you like to read and research and you want the full working nature of this sleep training, then I highly recommend this book (it’s on Amazon, as are most things).
However, if you are like a lot of mothers, you don’t have the time or inclination to read a whole book while you are already bone-tired. So for those of you that can barely make it through this post, I will give you my simplified version of sleep training.
How to Sleep Train Your Baby
At its simplest, sleep training is a gentle guide to teach your baby how to self-soothe so that he can fall asleep on his own at bedtime and, additionally, he can soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes up at night.
Sleep Training Tips as Early as 2 Weeks Old
This simple approach is just getting your baby used to falling asleep without being held, rocked or nursed. When you have a newborn, on occasion, put your baby down for a nap while she is sleepy, but still awake. You may nurse/feed her, change her diaper, wrap her up like a delicious little burrito, kiss her cheek, and then lay her down in her bassinet. She will probably lay there wide eyed, but you will see those little eyes get sleepy and she’ll drift off. This is the beginning of sleep training. You don’t have to do this for every nap/sleep. Start with 1 nap a day.
Sleep Training Tips at 3 Months Old
If your baby is 3 months old, or older, then you will want to start sleep training right now. Remember the term “drowsy, but awake”.
You want to place your baby in her crib/bassinet at night when she is drowsy, but still awake. Sleep training helps when you have a sleep routine. Give your baby a bath, lotion, diaper cream and diaper, jammies, and then a bottle. Burp her, then put her in a safe, weather appropriate sleeper, and place her on her back while she is drowsy, but still awake.
You don’t want her to fall asleep with the bottle in her mouth. If you see your baby falling asleep, then it’s time for bed. Get her down while she is drowsy, but awake enough to know she is in her crib. If she fusses, it’s ok. You can rub her a little and make the “sh-sh” noise. Try not to talk too much. “Mommy is here” or “It’s ok” is about it. Let her fall asleep on her own. It may take awhile, but she will get the hang of it.
Bedtime at 3 Months Old
At 3 months old, if your baby is healthy, with a healthy weight (check with your pediatrician) he / she should be able to sleep from about 10 PM to 6 AM. That means that 10 PM should look like a real bed-time. Bath, pajamas, book, bottle/breast, and bed. Your baby may wake up several times when you’re just beginning sleep training. That’s okay. Your job will be to teach her to self-soothe, and go back to sleep. You can go into her room, rub her back, then stand in her door and “sh-sh” her. Let her know you are there. You are not going to pick her up and rock her. You will help her soothe herself with your presence and “sh-shing” her.
It will be hard. You will be exhausted. You will be very tempted to pick her up and rock her back to sleep. But don’t! If you can push through a few nights of misery you’ll be rewarded with a baby that sleeps through the night.
Sleep Training Tips from 4 to 8 Months Old
Bedtime for a 4 month old should be between 8 and 9 PM, and bedtime for a 5 to 8 month old should be between 7 and 8 PM.
Schedules are so important for a developing baby. I’m not talking anything rigid here, but babies do need consistent naps, feeding times, and bedtimes. A light routine will make for a much better bedtime.
Sleep Training Tips at 6 Months Old
At 6 months old, your baby is at the sweet spot for nighttime sleep. Bedtime should be between 7 and 7:30. That’s when your baby is actually in her crib and falling asleep. You can still give him a bottle/nurse at bedtime, but make sure he isn’t falling asleep while eating. If your baby isn’t attached to a certain blanket/toy, try to establish that bond. Pick a safe, soft toy, or a small blanket, and hold it while you feed/nurse him. Play with the toy/blanket. Make this toy/blanket special and always have it with you. Tuck the toy/blanket safely in the crib with your baby, and eventually your baby will use the “lovey” to help soothe himself back to sleep at night. My son had a small, soft blue blanket that he snuggled and twirled through his fingers at night.
By 6 months old, if your child isn’t sleeping through the night, you’ll want to make sure you start sleep training.
Sleep Training After 6 Months Old
Once your baby is safely in the crib with his lovey at night, you will sit by his crib (get a stool, chair, pouf, or sit on the floor) until he falls asleep. He may cry, and that’s okay. You can rub him and “sh-sh” him. Don’t overdo the assistance. You don’t want your baby to rely on your touch to fall asleep. A gentle stroke, a “sh-sh” and then silence on your part will do. You can periodically rub, “ssh” and then just sit quietly. Try not to make eye contact. You can keep your eyes closed if that’s easier.
If your baby is screaming and not calming down, you can pick him up by the crib, rock him in your arms (at the crib), kiss his head and place him back in the crib. Don’t let him fall asleep in your arms. You are trying to reassure him that you are present, that he is not alone, but that he is to fall asleep without your constant intervention. You will return to this spot during the night every time he wakes up, make “sh-sh” noises, and then leave when he falls asleep.
After a few nights of sitting beside his crib at bedtime, move your spot halfway closer to the door. You can keep soothing him with noises like “sh-sh” or “it’s okay”, but you should try to not soothe with touch. Stay in your spot/chair as much as you can and soothe from that position. When he falls asleep, you leave the room, and you’ll return to that spot during the night when he wakes up.
After a few nights being close to the door, you will move to the doorway. You will continue with the same soothing noises you had been making, but you will physically intervene as little as possible. When he wakes at night, you can go to the crib and gently touch him to reassure him you are there, but then return to your spot at the doorway. When he falls asleep, you will leave and go back to bed yourself.
After a few more nights, you can move into the hallway where you will reassure him that you are there, and “sh-sh” if he needs it. When he wakes at night, you can go to his crib to let him know you are there, but then go back to the hallway so that he can hear you.
After a few nights of staying in the hallway, you should be able to walk out of the room after saying goodnight. You can let your baby know you’ll be back in 5 minutes to check on him. I would go to my bedroom and quietly get ready for bed. My son could hear me moving a little, but I wouldn’t talk or go to his room. After 5 minutes, I would go back to his room to let him know I was still there and then I’d leave again. The key is brief reassurance. You want your child to know you are there for him but that he can do this on his own. The whole process shouldn’t take more than 14 days.
It’s not uncommon for children to regress on occasion. Use your best judgment. If your baby is teething, she may not go to sleep like she had been. That doesn’t mean you rock her to sleep for a week. Maybe you sit in her doorway for a night or two, instead.
Babies Need Their Own Beds
It is so important for your baby/toddler/child to sleep in his/her own crib/bed. Kids and parents alike need sleep. We all need good, quality sleep in our own beds. However, when my kids were sick, my bed was fair game. I couldn’t leave my sick toddler coughing and moaning in his crib. I will say, though, kids are creatures of habit. They can form a bad habit with amazing speed. If you decide to bring your sick child into your bed, make sure that when he is better, he is back in his own crib. It may be a hard transition, but take the day or 2 and sit at the doorway or in the hall and soothe from a distance away. Don’t let sleeping in your bed become a habit.
It can be very difficult to break a bad sleep habit, but it is so worth the effort. When a baby can self-soothe and sleep through the night, it’s like a blessing day after day. You have a happier baby and in turn, a happier you.
I encourage you to use these sleep training tips today. It’s never too late to start.
If you know someone who could use these sleep training tips, please share this post.
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If you are having a difficult time adjusting to motherhood, you are not alone. Being a new mother is challenging. It can be overwhelming. It’s okay to put yourself first and take some time just for you.
As a counselor in Washington, PA, I specialize in helping overwhelmed moms. You are not alone. If you need help finding yourself again or if you would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
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