Little kids have big emotions. Lightening quick and in rapid succession, children’s moods can swing from happy dancing to angry thrashing without much of anything in between. As parents we may be left wondering “What just happened?” or we may simply dismiss it with “Calm down, now.”
But while these big emotions may seem like nonsense to us, they are everything (in that moment) to our children. Let’s help our little ones feel their emotions. Let’s allow them to be open about how they are feeling, and let’s help them express those big emotions in acceptable ways.
Emotion Versus Behavior
Emotions are not behavior. We are all entitled to our emotions – – to our feelings. No one can take your feelings away from you. As such, you cannot, should not, attempt to stifle your child’s feelings. Your little one is entitled to his/her feelings. Let your child feel. Let your child be happy, sad, frustrated or angry. Those feelings are all acceptable responses to certain situations. Your child is going to a friend’s house to play? Happy. Saying goodbye to a friend? Sad. Is your child waiting to play with a toy? Frustrated. What happens when your child’s friend refuses to take turns with that toy? Anger.
We often confuse emotion with behavior. Feeling angry that a friend won’t share a toy is okay (emotion). Pushing the friend for not sharing the toy is not okay (behavior). It’s completely acceptable to feel the way you are (angry) but not okay to physically hurt another person.
We need to teach our little kids with big emotions appropriate ways to express (behavior) their feelings (emotion).
4 Steps to Help Little Kids Express Big Emotions
Name That Big Emotion
Little kids don’t know what to call their feelings. They naturally know how to feel, but they don’t know the name for it. When our kids are really little, it’s important to name their emotion – – “I see your big smile and hear you laughing. You seem really happy and excited over this new toy!” or “I see you clenching your fists. You look like you are feeling mad and angry that playtime is over.”
Helping children understand their feelings and their body’s reactions early on will help them understand and express what they are feeling when they are older, too.
Now Is Not Forever
Little kids think in the here and now. They don’t fully conceptualize that now is not forever. While adults understand that not getting a second cookie now is short term and eventually there will be more cookies in life, to our little kids, not getting a second cookie means they will never have another cookie again. This moment is fixed and unchanging to them. So is the emotion.
Help your little one by letting them know that now is not forever. Help them understand that this moment of sadness will pass. You can try tickling your child or making funny faces. Getting your child to laugh or smile is a great way to get sad or grumpy moments to pass with ease.
Hiss Like A Snake: Deep Breathing Exercises
Most of us have learned to count to 10 to calm down, or take a few calming breaths. I’d be willing to bet most of us use calming breaths throughout our day without even thinking of it.
The same is true for little kids. When your child is stuck and can’t seem to calm down from deep crying or a tantrum, help your child by taking calming breaths. You can teach your little one to hiss like a snake – – take a slow breath in, and hiss it out like a snake…see how long you can make the snake hiss. Teach this technique when your child is calm as a fun relaxing activity. During a tantrum, you can simply say “Hiss like a snake with me” and you lead by taking a calming breath in, and hissing it out like a snake. Make that snake really hiss-s-s-s-s-s!
Vent Out Big Emotion
Deep breathing is a fantastic exercise for kids and adults alike as it helps calm from the inside out. But sometimes our little kids with big emotions have so much pent up energy that those big emotions will come pouring out.
We need to allow kids to express that big emotion in a healthy way. But how do you express anger in a healthy way? Stomping your feet at home may seem like a good idea, but in the middle of Target you may think twice about Daniel Tiger’s stomp three times suggestion to get the mad out.
Little kids (adults too) will sometimes need a physical release for big emotions. Help your child find what works. An adult may go outside for a walk or a run. For a child, how about running in place as fast as he/she can! If you make the release a game, it can have the added effect of letting off steam and making the child laugh. You can say “I see your clenched fists, it’s time to run run run!” and watch your little one run in place until that energy is drained.
Also, you can try doing a silly, mad, dance. Show your child how you can dance with a mad face and the more you wiggle, your angry face turns to a happy face. Again, it’s a physical release that allows the anger and energy to dissipate. By making it silly, you help your child find their calm and laughter, too.
Big Emotions In Little Kids Are Not The Enemy
When you are in the throws of big emotions, especially a tantrum in public, it can be increasingly difficult to remember how to help your child through their emotions without resorting back to “Stop crying or you will lose every toy!”.
We will never be the perfect parent. Nor will we have the right answer every time. All we can do as parents is try our best and when we make mistakes, own them, learn from them, and move on making the next time better.
With practice (little kids with big emotions give us lots of practice!) we can help our little kids learn to express their emotions in healthy ways.
Therapy For Little Kids With Big Emotions In Washington, PA
Being a parent of a child with big emotions can be overwhelming at times. Are you considering therapy for your child? Therapy can help your child communicate his/her worries and feelings. Your child will learn healthy ways to cope with anxiety, worry and fear.
As a child counselor in Washington, Pa, I strive to help parents help their children. If you have any questions or would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
You can also reach me on Facebook as well as Instagram, too.
