Impulse control is the ability to control ourself in behavior, action, and emotion. Developing impulse control is important for our physical and emotional well-being. Learning to “think before acting” takes time and practice. We can help our kids at any age to improve impulse control and become healthier, more competent young adults.
Labeling Feelings
A lack of impulse control is most notable in negative situations. When kids are overwhelmed, it can be difficult for them to express what they are feeling (adults, too, sometimes). They may not understand the immense onslaught of feelings taking over their body and as a result, act out in a negative way. We can help our kids better tackle big emotions by talking about feelings, both positive and negative.
It can be all too easy to talk about positive emotions – – happy, joy, excitement. It can be much more difficult to talk about and address negative emotions like anger and sadness. However, when a child is overcome with a negative emotion, being able to name the emotion, i.e. “I feel angry right now”, can help to slow down the feeling, which can lead to better problem solving skills, and less impulsive behavior.
It’s difficult for most of us to learn new skills when we are angry, so it’s important that we help our kids to identify and label feelings each and every day. Read a book and point out pictures that display emotions. Talk about your own feelings or situations where you felt a certain way. Make faces and talk about what each face represents. If your child is older, ask open ended questions about how he/she may have felt given a certain situation. Oftentimes, simply understanding the emotion inside us is enough to help process what to do with the feeling.
Repeating Directions to Improve Impulse Control in Kids
We need our kids to do certain tasks in order to get through our day. We often give multi-step orders (“Clear the table, clean your room and get your homework done”) to our kids and then get angry when not even one task was completed. Kids get distracted easily and sometimes what we see as “not listening” may be “not hearing”.
When trying to improve impulse control in kids, it can be helpful to repeat directions, and have your child repeat them back to you. Start by telling your child to listen before beginning. Give your child 1 direction…”Clear the table“. Ask him/her to repeat it back, and once they’ve repeated it back correctly, they can begin.
In some cases it can help to write down the tasks that need accomplished. A chore chart can help with chores that are done regularly.
Problem Solving Together
So often we want to swoop in and fix a problem. We see a child about to make a mistake and so we tell them how to fix it. When you’re improving impulse control, it’s important to help your child problem solve. Instead of fixing the problem or giving him/her the answer, ask open ended questions to help your child gather information to make an insightful decision.
Oftentimes we can reach the same conclusion but go about it in different ways. Help your child to learn that there is more than one way to solve a problem. Help your child brainstorm options and discuss how each option could solve or hinder a particular problem. Talk with your child why one option may work and another may fail. Help your child along the path of figuring the problem out without giving the answer. Problem solving builds confidence. And confidence in problem solving leads to impulse control.
Impulse Control and Activity
Staying active is important for all of us. We all need to move for a healthier body and mind. Physical activity is especially important for kids. Encourage your kids to get outside and move. Run, play, and be active to improve impulse control in kids.
Impulse control games can be a fun way to get moving while actively practicing our impulse control. Games like Simon Says, Follow the Leader, and Tag / Freeze are great for kids to move their bodies, exert pent up energy and practice impulse control.
Therapy for Kids and Teens in Washington, PA
Impulse control can be improved upon at any age. We all expect to see a toddler have tantrums. However, when our children display a lack of control at an older age, we may be questioning their decision making abilities and/or their mental health.
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, you aren’t alone. We are here to help you and your child. If you have any questions or would like to get to know us a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org. You can also talk to us on Facebook and Instagram, too.
