Have you ever yelled at your kids because it was ‘the only way to get them listen‘? Did you feel guilt after you yelled for handling the situation poorly? There is a better way. You can stop yelling at your kids and find peace and calm in your home.
Many parents yell at their kids. Kids will be kids, and it can seem like a daunting task to get them to listen. However, yelling is not a form of correction. You won’t correct behavior with yelling as it’s nothing more than an emotional release for you.
When you yell, your kids tend to feel shame. Yelling is an attack on the person. It’s our job as adults to regulate our emotions, especially around kids.
Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Yelling creates fear in kids. As a result, it drives them further from us, breaking our parent/child bond.
Yelling is a loss of control. It has been shown to increase anxiety, stress and depression in households where yelling is present.
Yelling at your kids isn’t teaching them healthy emotional regulation. Instead, when you yell at your kids, you are teaching them to have similar outbursts themselves.
How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
1) Regulate Your Emotions
Learning to regulate your emotions is the first step to stop yelling. Your kids will be kids, they will push your buttons and knock over the boundaries you’ve set. They’re kids. That’s what they do.
Learning to be calm goes a long way towards reducing stress and anxiety, and therefore, reducing the need to let go of that pent up frustration via yelling.
2) Own Your Feelings, Good and Bad
It’s time to take responsibility for your feelings. Your happiness and unhappiness comes from within you. It is not a result of your child’s behavior.
If you are feeling angry, sad, or depressed, it may be time to talk to a therapist about what is going on in your life.
Yelling is an emotional release. Tripping over your child’s shoes in the doorway did not cause you to loose control. There are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Now may be a good time to look at them, and own your feelings.
3) Validate and Empathize
Your child may have some big feelings as he/she is learning and navigating life. What may seem trivial to you may seem catastrophic to your child.
When your child is showing emotions, validate those feelings and empathize with him/her. “That must have been really hurtful. I would be sad too if that happened to me”.
When you validate your child’s feelings, your child learns to recognize their own emotions, which in turn will help with managing their behavior in relation to those emotions.
4) Stop, Breathe and Observe
When you feel like yelling, when you feel that surge of energy rush through your body and the only way to let out that frustration is by yelling, I want you to Stop. Don’t yell. Just stop and take a moment. Breathe in and out. Slowly.
While you are breathing, you are regulating your own emotions. You can observe what is going on at this exact moment. What is causing this feeling? What is your child’s point of view? Is this a fight worth winning? Or does your child just need your support and love?
It’s often helpful in any disagreement to look at the other person’s point of view. You can gain a lot of knowledge by seeing a situation through the other person’s eyes.
5) Calm, Consistency and Praise
It gets easier to stop yelling at your kids when you accept that yelling is reactionary. Instead of reacting, focus on calm and consistency.
You can give calm reminders of your rules and expectations. You can set these expectations before you want the desired outcome. And when you see the desired outcome (or some steps are being taken to start achieving these goals), you can give praise to your children for their effort.
Therapy for Parents, Kids and Teens in Washington, PA
The bond between parents and their children can be broken, but luckily, it can be restored.
If you have been struggling with yelling at your children, you aren’t alone. If you have any questions or would like to get to know us a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
