Teenagers are known for their varying moods, eye rolls, and sometimes inflexible attitude. Some teenagers are prone to a fixed mindset where they feel “I’ll never learn this. I’m just not good at math. So why bother?” If this sounds like your teen, teaching a growth mindset can help.
We all generally fall into one of two mindsets: fixed or growth. We believe we are either born with our intellect and abilities, or, with effort and perseverance, we learn, grow, and improve ourselves. If your teen is stuck in a fixed mindset of feeling either “good” or “bad” about a certain aspect of his/her life, teaching a growth mindset can help change obstacles into opportunities and failures into new discoveries.
Teaching a growth mindset to your teen will take time. But life is not lived in the destination. It’s lived in the journey of our progress and choices made in every day life.
How to Teach a Growth Mindset to Your Teen in 4 Simple Steps
1. Talk about it
Talk about incorporating a growth mindset into your daily life. You don’t want to lecture. Instead, bring it up, explain it, and move on.
Find areas in your life that need growth and talk about how you, too, are using a growth mindset to help you learn and grow.
2. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome
In a fixed mindset, you may put all of your attention on the end result – – Did you get an ‘A’?, Did you get the job?, Did your team win?.
With a growth mindset, focus on the process, instead. Focus on how you can improve in an area, i.e, studying after dinner, running before school, prepping before the interview. When we learn to see the importance of the process, we are less likely to be devastated if the goal isn’t achieved.
3. Allow Room for Failure
We don’t all win, get the job, and get an A. It happens. When you adopt a growth mindset, you are less likely to shut down and think “I’ll never succeed”. Instead, you see this failure as a learning opportunity.
Life isn’t smooth or easy for most of us. It’s filled with bumps and curves and detours. Help your teen learn by his/her failure and move forward. Failure is room for improvement. It’s a new discovery. It’s a path not yet taken.
Help your teen to see this isn’t the end. Learn from this and encourage him/her to take the next steps. Perseverance and a bit of grit can go a long way to improving our skills and abilities.
4. Listen, Don’t Fix
When your kids are little, it’s common to swoop in and fix a problem. If he/she falls, we run in and soothe the tears. But as your child grows into a teenager, your role changes from fixer to supporter.
Really listen to your teen. Listen more than you talk. When a problem is presented, help him/her problem-solve. Help your teen to learn how to work through a problem without you fixing it or problem solving for them. Ask open-ended questions. Go through some scenarios using what your teen comes up with.
Ask for help when you have a problem (something appropriate for a teenager to get involved in). If your teen is weightlifting, ask him/her where you could start with a workout program. If your teenager applies excellent makeup, you could ask for help with your style. Let him/her help you navigate the obstacle and come up with a solution. The more practice, the better. As your teen becomes more familiar with problem-solving, he/she will be more likely to see a problem as an opportunity.
Progress and Moving Forward
Adopting a growth mindset can take time. It isn’t one and done. We can always learn, as long as we are willing. A growth mindset is about learning and growing. It’s progress, improvement, learning from our mistakes and moving forward.
We won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. Help your teen to understand that growth is about choices and beliefs. Help teach your teen that our outcomes in life are based on our effort. We may not be great, yet. And that’s okay. We learn and move forward.
Therapy for Teenager in Washington, PA
Varying moods, grunts, and eye roles are probably an every day occurrence in a household with a teenager. However, if you are struggling to get through to your teenager, or if you have any questions or would like to get to know us a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
