When we try to make the holidays “work”, we end up casting our own needs and desires aside to make our extended family happy. But in the end, we are left feeling frazzled and not very joyful. If you’ve been rethinking the holiday shuffle, you may have pondered “Can I skip Christmas with my extended family?”.
A happy holiday is a stress-free holiday. I’m guessing it’s been a few years since you had a stress-free holiday. But what if this year could be different? What if this was the year you could have the Christmas of your dreams?
Is it Okay to Skip Christmas with my Extended Family?
Each year at Christmas countless couples bundle their kids in their coats/hats, load the car with gifts, and shuffle from one venue to the next for their holiday celebration. The kids are tired and over-stimulated, and you and your partner are probably exhausted and snapping at one another, too.
It’s all too common. Families fall into a trap of We hate visiting multiple houses on Christmas and It’s Christmas. We should spend it with family.
So what do you do? Is it possible to spend Christmas in one place with your kids and spouse? Is it possible to relax all day and spend the holiday exactly as you wish?
You Can Skip Christmas with your Extended Family
Yes, you can. You should enjoy your Christmas / holiday, however that looks. Creating your own traditions is important for your immediate family.
How do I skip Christmas with my extended family?
It’s important to talk to your partner about how you would like to spend the holiday. What does it look like for you?
Do you, your spouse and kids sleep in, open presents slowly and then order Chinese for dinner?
Do you host family at your house?
If you could pick your perfect Christmas day, what would it look like?
Talk to your partner and share your ideal Christmas with each other. Come up with a plan that makes you both happy on Christmas.
Who will reject your perfect Christmas?
Now that you have a plan, revisit that idea with the focus being on who will not like it, who will object, and whose feelings will be hurt. Unfortunately, it’s very likely that someone will have a problem with this plan.
You and your spouse will need to have an open discussion about the drawbacks of your plan and find ways to either accept those drawbacks as is, or find alternative solutions.
You and your spouse will have to decide together if changing the norm/changing the expectations is okay.
Talk to your extended family about your decision to skip Christmas.
Give your family plenty of prep time and discuss your plans with them. Decide ahead of time if you’re open to feedback and if you’re open to alternative holiday solutions.
Is it possible to celebrate the holiday a day early or a day late?
Can you celebrate together on alternating years?
Can you celebrate Thanksgiving together instead of Christmas? Or New Years instead of Christmas?
Be open about what you want out of Christmas.
When you’re ready to have the discussion with your extended family, be sure to be open about your wants and needs. It’s okay to tell your parents or your in-laws that you’d like to feel more relaxed this year and spend the holiday at home. It’s okay to let them know that it’s too much to pack the car and bundle the kids every Christmas to visit family, then have to pack them back up and get them in bed tired, and cranky.
You should expect some set backs and have a plan ready for an alternative solution. If you decide that there is no alternate solution and this is the year you are staying home, then let them know these are your wishes.
Talk to your extended family about being open-minded to changing holiday traditions and celebrating together in new ways.
Couples Therapy in Canonsburg, PA
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