The first holiday without a loved one may seem unbearable. We grieve so much more than the loss of the person. We grieve our memories, especially those intertwined with big holidays and key moments in time, both happy and sad. So how then do we celebrate the holidays after the death of a loved one?
After losing someone we love, we grieve the life we had planned with them. We grieve the life we thought we had ahead of us. We grieve our memories. And getting through the first holiday without this person may seem insurmountable.
Be Patient with Yourself and Others After a Loss
The death of a loved one can make it painful to celebrate holidays. Be patient with yourself and others.
Try not to have many expectations about how it “should” be, or how you “should” feel. Holidays magnify feelings of both joy and sorrow.
It’s not uncommon to experience a wide range of feelings, from joy to grief, when suffering a loss.
You don’t need to “put on a brave face”. Feel your feelings and allow yourself to express your grief and sadness.
You don’t need to hide your grief from your children. When we hide our grief and pretend to be okay, it can give kids the idea that sadness is bad. Talk about how you feel with your kids.
Joy and grief may come and go during the holidays. It’s okay to feel happy or to feel moments of joy even when we are processing the loss of someone we love. It doesn’t mean you are “over it”.
Small children may still want to play and have fun. It’s okay. They shouldn’t be expected to be miserable all day.
Plan Ahead to Help Celebrate the Holidays after the Death of a Loved One
Make plans for the holiday in advance and let your kids and/or family know the plan ahead of time.
Talk to your family about what will be happening for the holiday, where it will be celebrated, and who will be there.
Celebrate Old and New Traditions
Maintaining old traditions may feel extra painful on holidays. Some people, though, find peace in carrying on traditions that keep the memory of their loved alive on the holiday.
It can help to talk about our loved one on holidays. It can be helpful to share stories about what that person loved the most about the holidays.
It’s okay to make new traditions in this new time.
Ask for Help
Ask for help on the holidays. Anticipate what you can get through and where you may need help. It’s okay to need a break when you’re experiencing a loss.
Surround yourself with family and friends that want to help and support you.
You may need to step away and feel your feelings. Give yourself permission to be sad. Permission to be angry. Big emotions need to be processed and shouldn’t be ignored due to a holiday.
Process your feelings, acknowledge them. Don’t try to block or ignore them. Big emotions will find a way to come out on big holidays. Let them.
The first holidays and big events may seem unbearable. Allow yourself to feel what comes and process those emotions. Surround yourself with supportive family/friends and give yourself grace.
Therapy for Men, Women, Children, and Couples in Canonsburg, PA
In life, and especially after loss, it’s important to take care of yourself. If you are experiencing profound grief, we are here for you.
In grief counseling, we can help you work through your pain. In therapy, we can help you to maintain the relationships with those that love you. Feeling your feelings and expressing them does help.
You don’t have to experience this loss alone. Our therapy office in Canonsburg, PA is warm and inviting. It’s a lovely place to sit down with a drink, relax and talk.
If you have any questions or would like to get to know us a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
