Eye rolling, dismissive smirks, shouting matches and slamming doors – – oh yeah, you’re living with an angry teen.
You may question why in the world your child is so angry. You may wish for all that anger to just stop and go away. Anger is bad, after all, right? Nope! The good news is we don’t need to eliminate your teen’s anger. What we need is to help your child find better ways to express that anger.
Teen Anger Is Normal
Anger is normal. Yep you read that right. Anger. Is. Normal. We don’t want to stifle your angry teen. Anger in teens is normal (it’s normal in all of us). It’s not this “bad” thing we need to eradicate. Anger is an emotion. It can be a very healthy and natural emotion. It can, however, be expressed in very unhealthy ways.
One of our goals as parents is helping our children navigate their emotions. When our kids were little, we helped them name their emotions. Remember when your 2 year old stomped his little feet when he was mad? I bet you helped him understand that he felt “angry.” He knew how he felt, he just didn’t have a name for it until you helped him.
Now that your child is older, he still needs your help. He knows his emotion and he knows its name (thanks to you). Now he needs your help in finding a safe way to express that emotion.
Let’s look at a few ways we can help our angry teens navigate their emotions and express themselves in healthy ways.
Be Available
Your teenager may slam the door in your face or walk out of the room the moment you start to speak. But surprisingly, your child still looks to you for help. Be available. Let your child know he/she can talk to you whenever they want. Let your teen know you are there, without judgement.
Listen to your child. It’s important to really listen. Our natural instinct may have us trying to solve our kid’s problem. Refrain from fixing! Our teens need us to listen. When your teen finally opens up and begins to express an emotion, don’t try to “fix” it. Just be there for your child.
Validate Your Angry Teen’s Emotions
As adults and as parents, we know what problems look like. Many of us have witnessed and experienced real problems in our lives. As such, it may be easy to see your child’s problems as inconsequential. I assure you, to your teen, his/her issues are every bit as real as what we face as adults.
Validate those feelings! Empathize with your child. You don’t always have to agree. You may think it’s ridiculous. But you can empathize. Try something like “I can see you’re angry about X”. Let your child know you understand their feelings.
Step Away From Confrontation
Talking to your angry teen with calm emotions is not always easy. What may start as a simple conversation can quickly escalate info a confrontation. It’s best to discuss heated topics when you are calm. Don’t be afraid to step away from the conversation. This is a great place to show your child the importance of walking away from a confrontation. Tell your teen how you’re feeling and explain that you need a few minutes to calm down.
We all get heated and angry at times. Use these moments to show your child that your emotions are yours to own. What’s important is how you handle them.
Step away from your teen and the moment. Take a few calming breaths or go for a walk. When you have calmed down, go back to your child and begin the conversation again.
Let your teenager see how you handle confrontation. Let him/her see you get angry and subsequently take the time to walk away and calm down. This little action can be far more impactful than any lecture we may give our child on behavior.
Find An Outlet For Anger
We are all probably guilty of telling someone to “calm down”. When we are told to “calm down,” do we calm down? Nope. But, there are ways to calm down, and this is what we should teach our teens.
How do you calm yourself down? How do you release your tension and anger? Help your teen to understand that we all need to release those feelings and help him/her find a way that works.
Do you jog? Lift weights? How about going a few rounds with a punching bag? Maybe blaring music and singing as loud as you can, works for you. Maybe calmer activities work. What about yoga? Or walking? How about journaling your feelings?
There are countless ways to release tension and anger. Help your angry teen find an activity that releases that pent up frustration.
Self-Care For Teens
Is it really any wonder that self-care makes this list? I think we all know that healthy eating, exercise, and sleep are important. Do we know how important? Our bodies need nourished with food, exercise and proper sleep (at least 8 hours for teens). Our minds need nourished with activities/hobbies. We need an outlet that lets our minds work and wander.
Teens are busy – – school, sports, study, college prep, and extra-curricular activities. It’s a lot. Self-care is vital but can be overlooked. Help your teen learn the importance of self-care for mind and body.
Make Connections
We all need connections. We need someone we can trust and talk with freely. Making connections in life is integral with being human. We make connections with people in varying parts of our life and at different times in our lives.
Make sure your teen has someone he/she can talk to. No one should feel like an island. Everyone needs to talk. If you’re having a hard time connecting with your child, or if your teen is having a hard time connecting with you, counseling can help.
Living With Angry Teens Is Hard
It can be extremely difficult to help your teen navigate their rollercoaster of emotions. It can be especially difficult to help your child when you are always on the receiving end of the anger.
Please remember that anger is normal. How we process that anger is what’s important. Living with teens is hard. Parenting teens is hard. Have you thought about therapy for your teenager? Counseling can give your teen the space and time to process those overwhelming and conflicting emotions that are paramount during the teenage years.
Washington, PA Teen Therapy
As a therapist who sees angry teens, I understand the conflicting emotions that both teens and parents face. While working with me, your teen will be heard without judgement or shame. In my office in Washington, PA, your child can freely express his/her thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
If you have any questions or would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org. Additionally, you can also talk to me on Facebook and Instagram, too.
