When you think of motherhood, do you envision a “Pinterest-perfect” mother holding hands with her impeccably dressed kids? Or do you see an exhausted mom wearing dirty pajamas in the afternoon while barely keeping it together? If motherhood has let you down, if you feel unhappy in your role as a mother, you are not alone. You are not the first mom who has wondered if she made a huge mistake. You are good, you are worthy, and you deserve happiness – – as a woman, and as a mother.
Motherhood Is Not What We Expected
You obviously know now that motherhood is hard. Crazy hard. It’s probably not at all what you expected, though, right? How could you have anticipated the sleepless nights, the worry, the anxiety, the fear, the guilt, the “not measuring up”? I don’t know a single woman or mother who could have anticipated what it really feels like to be a mother.
A big problem, I think, is that so many of us go into motherhood thinking we are going to be “perfect”. Or we feel like we have to be perfect to be successful. We look at social media and the news, and what’s the outcome? On social media, we see these perfect, gorgeous women in these immaculate homes with their perfect babies, and then on the news we see these drug-addicted moms who are leaving toddlers for days by themselves so the moms can get high. If these are our societal standards for motherhood, it’s no wonder so many of us feel as though the only option is be “perfect”.
When Motherhood Lets Us Down
We all had an idea of what being a mother would look like. For most of us, however, we were completely off the mark. We were so far off the mark that we were left scrambling for what to do now. Many of us have wondered “Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life?”. And that is terrifying to us as there is no going back.
It’s not uncommon for mothers to feel as though they are living a soul crushing or stifling life. You are not alone if you’ve dreamt of grabbing a bag and walking out the front door never to return. Favoring bedtime when the house is still and quiet does not make you less of a mother. You are not a failure if you’ve ever thought “I can’t do this”. Your success in life has not been diminished by being “just a mom”.
The Truth About Motherhood
Why do we hide the truth about what it’s really like to be a mother? Why do we feel shame in admitting our anxiety as a mother is higher than ever before? It should be okay to say that the demands of motherhood are so much more challenging than we ever could have expected. Because that’s the truth!
Mothers have lost their personal space. It’s not uncommon for mothers to feel as though they’ve lost their own identity outside of “Mom”. Mothers are expected to put everyone’s needs ahead of their own and do it with a smile. They are expected to keep on giving their best, without payment, without thanks, and without ever getting a chance to refuel.
These expectations need to stop.
How To Be Happy As A Mother
I hope by this point you at least feel a bit lighter knowing you are not alone in feeling let down with motherhood. While reality may not have met your expectations, there is still hope in finding happiness with motherhood.
Sometimes happiness for a mother is found in time away. It’s important to prioritize self-care so that you get time away from your day to day tasks. Maybe go for a walk, alone. Or, have your partner put the kids to bed and meet a friend for coffee. Put away the guilt and do something just for you. You don’t just need happiness in life, you deserve it, too.
Share your parental load with your partner. While raising kids, there are those aspects of child-rearing that are more job than joy. Make sure you are not the “job” parent (diaper changes, midnight feedings, discipline) while your partner is the “joy” parent (playing games, going for walks). Divide those more job-like responsibilities between you both so you are freed up to participate in some of the fun moments of parenting.
Happiness in motherhood is often in the little moments. It isn’t the huge 1st birthday party that took weeks to plan. Instead, happiness may be watching your child play with a balloon that fell to the floor. As in many aspects of life, it’s the little things that add up to be big things. Don’t miss the little moments while waiting for a grand finale.
Finding happiness in motherhood can take many forms. What’s important is making time for you. It’s okay to put yourself first and take some time just for you.
Therapy For Mothers In Washington, PA
Being a mother is challenging, to say the least. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood. Therapy for mothers does help. You can find yourself again while feeling happiness in all of your roles.
As a therapist dedicated to helping overworked women and overwhelmed moms, I know it can be difficult to make time to get away. However, the sooner you make time for your needs, the sooner you can begin to feel better. My office in Washington, PA is warm and inviting. It’s a place where we can sit, grab a drink, relax and just talk. You deserve to take this time for you.
If you have any questions or would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org. You can also talk to me on Facebook and Instagram, too.
