Mom guilt – – So many of us know that feeling. We feel guilt for working outside the home and not spending enough time with our kids. Or we feel guilt for being home and not spending enough time with our kids. We feel a constant worry that we aren’t doing enough or being enough. We feel guilt for not being the “perfect” mom. Mom guilt is very real. If you’re experiencing mom guilt, it’s time to break free and overcome it. Just being you is enough.
The Perfect Mom
Mom guilt can start early for so many of us. We create this image in our mind of the “perfect” mom. She is selfless, endlessly caring, and nonstop nurturing. The mom you envisioned for yourself may be the mom you never had, the mom you did have, or just your own idea of the perfect mother. It’s time to overcome this ideal and put the mom guilt away.
Do you know the problem with the “perfect” mom? She doesn’t have needs. You, however, have needs! The “perfect” mom does not. And while the idea of being the “perfect” mom may seem doable, in practice it’s quite impossible. It may be feasible to give the perception of being the perfect mom, but the reality will be quite different. You can’t be selfless and give to everyone without getting completely depleted, angry, rundown, and even resentful.
We feel guilt when our actions don’t stand up to what we should have done. We feel guilt when we should have been better. Our own inner voice will criticize us into believing that we aren’t holding up to who or what we should be. But that voice is wrong. We don’t have to perfect to be great moms.
Overcome the Comparison Trap in Mom Guilt
The reasons we feel guilt as moms are truly endless. We give so much and yet at the end of the day we feel as though we’ve let down everyone we love.
So much of this guilt originates in the comparison trap. We see how our friend’s are raising their kids, or we see the “perfect” family at church or at the park, and we instantly feel less about ourselves. We nit pick everything we didn’t do exactly “right”.
When this mom guilt surfaces, how do you overcome it? Do you overcome it? Are you able to see everything you’ve done well? Does it ever occur to you to see the good in what you’re doing at this very moment?
How to Overcome Mom Guilt
Our unrealistic perception of the “perfect” mom has led so many to become overwhelmed in motherhood. This doesn’t have to be the case. It’s normal to feel guilt from time to time. But we don’t have to live in a constant state of “not measuring up”. We can overcome mom guilt and be the mothers that we truly are with practice and a bit of kindness to ourselves.
1. Awareness
When you start to feel mom guilt roll in, take a moment and step back. Figure out where the guilt originates. It may help to keep a journal to jot down your feelings so you can find a similar trend.
If your child wants to play and you’re busy, write it down. Are you busy because you’re working? Feeding another child? Tired or overwhelmed? Write it down. If you see this as a trend, maybe there is a solution. Can you plan for game time with this child? Maybe every day after lunch you can play a board game. Or during dinner you can discuss what you will play after the dishes are done.
Having a plan for the situation can help ease the guilt. If your child is asking to play and you don’t have the time, you can remember that you’ve played with him/her and now is your time to work, etc.
2. Positive Self-Talk
Self-talk is our inner voice that chimes in sometimes whether we want it or not. When our guilt is ramping up, it may be coupled with negative self-talk. When our inner-critic pipes up with whispers of being inept or not enough, it’s time kick that critic to the curb.
Allow for self compassion. Be kind to yourself. Remind your inner self that all you have to be is yourself. Find yourself and be you, again. You are enough. You don’t have to be “perfect”. No one is. It’s an illusion that does not lead to happiness. Find who you are, and be you. You will make mistakes. And that’s okay.
3. Self-Care and Time Away
I talk a lot about self-care as it’s paramount in our overall well-being. We cannot take care of others when we don’t take care of ourselves. You have needs. You are not super human. It’s okay to need time off.
Being a mother shouldn’t erase you. You are still a person with valid needs, wants, and desires. Talk to your spouse and get support. When you need to get away, take the time to get away…guilt free. If you have to get it on your calendar, do it. Schedule your night/day/morning out so childcare is covered and take time to be you. Take time to find happiness for you.
4. Talk Therapy Helps
Talking helps. When we feel overwhelmed and exhausted, it can feel daunting to have one more appointment or one more obligation. But therapy is a moment just for you. It’s a bit of time each week where you can sit and talk without any responsibility. You can talk without being judged or criticized.
Therapy can help you live in the present. It can help you advocate for yourself. Therapy can help you to find you again. And you matter.
From Mom Guilt to Happy
Being a mom is hard. Being perfect is impossible. But being yourself is certainly achievable. When we let go of the guilt we can better embrace the little moments in life. When we let go of who we think we should be, and just be ourselves, we can find there is a pretty wonderful person that makes for one hell of a mom. No she isn’t perfect. But where is the fun in that?! The next time mom guilt starts to show up, remember, you just have to be you.
Therapy for Women, Washington, PA
Being a mother can be overwhelming. You don’t have to live a life full of chaos and tears. It’s okay to put yourself first and take some time for just you. Therapy for moms does help.
If you have any questions or would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org. You can also talk to me on Facebook and Instagram, too.
