Most of us have heard horror stories about overbearing and overly critical in-laws. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be the case. If you are newly married or if you are looking to strengthen your relationship with your in-laws, there are a few simple tips that can help you create and sustain, a healthy in-law relationship.
Establish Boundaries
Establishing reasonable boundaries is key for every healthy relationship, including the relationship with your in-laws. Boundaries are the basics of what we will and will not do. You and your spouse should establish these boundaries together.
If you don’t enjoy pop-in visits, establish that boundary. While you don’t want spur of the moment visitors, maybe you are happy to have you mother-in-law over for Sunday dinner (or Monday after work, or with a quick phone call that she’s headed your way, etc).
Many times we can avoid uncomfortable confrontations with simple communication – – Letting your in-laws what you (as a couple) are comfortable with, and what you’re not okay with.
Create your own Traditions
It’s important for a couple, as a family, to establish their own traditions. You don’t have to defer to the traditions of your in-laws simply because that’s the way it’s been done.
If you and your spouse want to stay home on Christmas instead of spending the day driving to the extended families, establish that boundary ahead of time. Find an alternative that works for your new family.
Deflect Criticism
Criticisms happen. Sometimes it’s intended, and sometimes it’s not. It’s natural when faced with a criticism to respond with emotion. This usually leads to an unhealthy relationship with in-laws. Instead of immediately responding with your own criticism or with your defense, stop. Don’t react. Don’t respond. Just breathe.
After a moment, try responding with something completely neutral like “I’ll think about that” or “You might have a point” or even just “Thank you”. If you have a few built-in neutral responses ready to go, it will be easier to deflect the criticism instead of engaging in an argument.
Avoid Family Comparisons
It can be very easy to look at your in-laws and compare them to your family of origin. That will never help. Every family is different. If we can learn to accept that difference, it can help alleviate future stress.
Your spouse came from that family, and while they aren’t perfect, they are his/her family. Accepting differences without comparisons may not be easy, but it is beneficial in the long run to a healthy family dynamic.
Bring Concerns to your Spouse
Relationships take work. And healthy relationships take continued work. When a concern arises, address it with your spouse before you bring it up to your in-laws.
After discussing it, allow your spouse to address the problem with his/her parents.
Healthy Relationships
We can’t control the actions or opinions of other people. Families don’t come in a perfect package. A healthy relationship takes work. But when you nurture that relationship, you may find yourself with the love, support and acceptance of an extended family.
Therapy for Women and Couples in Washington, PA
A healthy relationship doesn’t mean it’s without conflict. The key to any successful relationship is in how you handle that conflict. Therapy can help.
If you are feeling criticized by your in-laws or not supported by your spouse, please call us at (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org. Our office in Washington, PA is warm and inviting. It’s a lovely place to sit down with a drink, relax, talk, and be heard.
