As wedding season approaches many of us will begin receiving wedding announcements, shower invitations and lastly, wedding invitations. Wedding season is a time of joy for some, but for others, it can be a time of pain and awareness of their own failing marriage. If you have been struggling in your marriage, there may be some areas you wish you discussed prior to saying “I do”. Let’s look at 5 things you wish you would have discussed before marriage. And if you discussed these 5 things, would the outcome have been different?
1) Why do you want to get married?
This may seem obvious, but was this really discussed before marriage? Let me add by saying that an answer of “Because I love you” isn’t really an answer.
Looking back, why did you want to get married? And why did your spouse want to marry you? Was it to make a life long commitment? Or was it simply because it was the next step in your relationship?
2) Do you want children in your marriage?
Did you two discuss having children? 1? 5? Did you discuss how long after marriage you’d like to have kids?
When one partner isn’t sure if he/she wants kids, the other partner needs to decide if he/she is willing to give up the partner or the chance for a baby. Hoping for someone to change can have devastating consequences for the relationship.
If you had really talked this question out, thoroughly examined both sets of feelings, would you have made the decision to get married?
3. How do you handle finances?
Talking about finances can be a bit tricky for most of us, let alone as a couple trying to decide if forever is the right choice.
Did you know about your spouses spending and savings habits? What about earnings and future earning goals and potential?
It’s easy to dream and talk about the house with the picket fence and 2.5 children, but it’s an entirely different conversation when you begin to lay out how you will pay for it as a couple.
4. What does your life look like in 5 years of being married?
Did you discuss what life would look like in a few years after marriage?
If you envisioned a house filled with kids while he saw a house, a boat and luxury vacations, would that have altered your future?
Discussions aren’t like deal or no deal. Open conversations facilitate opening up to yourself and each other about certain aspects of life. When you can see where your partner is headed, it can help both of you decide together what the next best step may be.
5) How do you feel about your future in-laws?
Did you discuss your feelings about your partner’s family? Were you aware of Sunday dinners, or family vacations? Would it have been helpful to know that your partner tells his/her mother everything. Would it have been helpful to know that your partner was not close with his/her family and grew up in a dysfunctional household?
Your spouse’s family may be the family you longed for or the family nightmares are made of. If family relations had been discussed, could you have improved your relationship right from the start?
Learning to Better Communicate in Marriage
What if you didn’t talk about these 5 things before marriage? Having these and other conversations may have saved you from a lot of fights. But what now? We can’t go back and make changes. But what about the future? Do you still see hope? Is your relationship or marriage worth saving?
If your marriage has been struggling, learning ways to improve your communication can help you move forward, together.
A healthy relationship doesn’t mean ‘without conflict’. Every relationship will come face to face with conflict at one point or another. The key to a successful relationship is in how you handle that conflict. If you are looking to improve your marriage, couples counseling may be right for you.
Marriage Counseling, Washington, PA
In couples therapy, we work together to find the areas that need improvement, and problem solve to find solutions. The simple fact is, most couples could greatly benefit from marriage counseling at some point in their relationship.
While couples counseling is extremely helpful when both partners are willing to go, it is not the only way to help your relationship.
In individual therapy, we can work on ways to approach problems in your marriage that will help you. We can work on ways to improve your communication so you are heard, understood, and subsequently, help you feel empowered.
If you have any questions or would like to get to know me a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email me at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
