Have you ever had a really bad day and just wanted to vent? Nothing went well, and by the time you got home, you just had to release all of that pent up negative energy to your parter. And what happened? Did he/she try to fix the problem when all you wanted was to just rant? Learning how to support your partner in the way he/she wants can help limit arguments and increase healthy communication in your relationship.
Types of Support You Can Give Your Partner
There are three general types of support you can give your partner: emotional, tangible, and informational.
Emotional Support
Emotional support is what we want when we are simply looking to be heard. We are looking for empathy, understanding, a shoulder to cry on.
Emotional support helps us to feel connected in our relationships. It isn’t judging or critical. It’s empathizing and validating someone else’s feelings.
Emotional support can be a simple verbal acknowledgement like “That sounds like a really awful day” or it can be physical support with a simple hug or embrace.
Tangible Support
When you give your partner tangible support, you are actively taking on tasks to help your partner. It could be something simple like doing the dishes and putting the kids to bed if your partner’s tired or had a bad day.
Tangible support is task oriented. It is actively taking on responsibilities in order to assist the other person.
Informational Support
Informational support is problem solving. It’s helping to find the solutions in order to “fix” the problem.
Informational support could be providing relevant facts or giving advice on how to proceed in a certain situation. It’s providing guidance.
Support Your Partner Their Way
Conflicts in relationships are inevitable. The key to a healthy relationship is in how you handle that conflict. Problems arise when the support we want isn’t the support that’s given.
It’s not uncommon that we give the support that we would want in a similar situation. That can lead to both partners feeling angry and resentful as neither is receiving what he/she wants.
Couples should talk about how they best feel supported and in what situations. It’s okay to be specific with the type of support you need. If you’ve had a bad day and need to vent, it’s okay to say “I had a bad day and I need to vent. I just need you to listen / empathize / hold my hand”. It’s also okay to say “It sounds like you had a really hard day. How can I support you?”
With the simple act of validating feelings, you’ve opened the door for continued communication. We can’t read minds and we won’t always know the “right” way to respond, but when we start with empathy, we open the doors for healthy communication in our relationships.
Couples Counseling in Washington, PA
Learning better ways to communicate is always effective. And marriage/couples counseling is a great place to start. Counseling can help you find ways to resolve conflict and help you feel closer to your partner again.
If you’re looking to improve the communication in your relationship, or if you have any questions or would like to get to know us a little better, please call (724) 503-6670 or email us at admin@inthenowcounseling.org.
